XXX. XX, XXXX
Dearly Beloved,
I prayed, begged, pleaded, and even bargained with God that this letter would never reach your hands. The reality is, this is in your hands and nothing can change that now. Not anymore. If you're reading this, then you must know that I'm not here anymore. I won't be coming back.
I hate to leave you and the children like this - so abruptly that their lives and yours are jarred, shattered. The worst of it all is that you'll be left alone to pick up the marred pieces. All I can say is I'm sorry - I'm sorry to leave this world prematurely; I'm sorry to be the cause of so much grief, strife, and bitter tears to you, my wife, my one and only; and I'm sorry that our kids won't grow up with me guiding and nurturing them to help them reach their highest potentials in this life. But these apologies won't bring me back, nor mend your broken hearts.
Though we've been together for over a decade, it felt like lives have just begun. We've yet to really live life. We've seen ourselves grow from passionate, impetuous lovers akin to teenagers to steadfast husband and wife to becoming something we believed we could never be - loving parents. And it hasn't been easy. We both made mistakes, fell short of expectation, and ended up hurting each other. But the hurts we've endured allowed our love to blossom, and that very same love is what defined us, what held us together when we were too close to being torn asunder. I hope all these letters I've written all these years reflect that. Even this letter, although this is the only letter I don't want you to read.
As I sat here, in my bland hospital room, all I could I think about was just how much I wished I had more time to spend with you. It seems that with all the time we've spent together, no amount of time will ever feel sufficient. There was always time for spontaneous dancing, walks across the park, romantic dates, and converging our bodies into a mesh of warmth. All the time in the world could never satisfy these undisclosed desires. Yet, the hollow, monochromatic whispers extinguish any hope of having these experiences again. There is still so much that I want to do with you. I want to be perpetually lost in your green eyes - they remind me of vast fields of grass, untouched by humanity. Perfect and pure. I want to embrace you dearly in my arms, to feel our beating hearts clash together, for as long as I can. I want our separate bodies to become one again behind closed doors, if only temporarily, and spend the rest of the night in conversation, blurring the space between the two worlds of illusion and reality. I want our supple lips to connect and convey a simple message too complicated for spoken words. If only I could re-experience these things, and much more, with you once again.
Finally, there is just one more thing left to say. I know you may not agree with me on this at the moment, but I know that you would feel the same about this as well. Whenever you are ready, I want to you move on in life. I am confident that there will be another person in this world will help you feel complete again. I want you to be happy. All I ask is that this person help raise our children to be strong and healthy. I know that Julia, and perhaps Lucas, will someday understand this circumstance, but I can't say the same for Matthew and Claire. So when our children are of age, please show them all the letters I've written to you. Help them see that our time together was special, unique, romantic, and memorable. I hope our children will comprehend just how much I cherished you all, loving you dearly with all my heart, through these brief glimpses of the past. Also, please help them understand that our lives were meant to be intertwined temporarily, and that my departure was anything by voluntary.
Finally, there is just one more thing left to say. I know you may not agree with me on this at the moment, but I know that you would feel the same about this as well. Whenever you are ready, I want to you move on in life. I am confident that there will be another person in this world will help you feel complete again. I want you to be happy. All I ask is that this person help raise our children to be strong and healthy. I know that Julia, and perhaps Lucas, will someday understand this circumstance, but I can't say the same for Matthew and Claire. So when our children are of age, please show them all the letters I've written to you. Help them see that our time together was special, unique, romantic, and memorable. I hope our children will comprehend just how much I cherished you all, loving you dearly with all my heart, through these brief glimpses of the past. Also, please help them understand that our lives were meant to be intertwined temporarily, and that my departure was anything by voluntary.
In the end of it all,
With a love that will echo throughout the ages,
James
James
