Dearly Beloved II - Love

Febuary 10, 2014

Dearly Beloved,

          Well, I've written so many letters by now - what's one more? But I don't think I'll ever stop writing - there is just too much to say in so little time. Already, it's been close to two years and still, my heart jumps up to my throat as I write these letters to you. I'm amazed at myself at just how vulnerable I become as I open up and express my love, my gratitude, and the myriad emotions I didn't know I was capable of expressing, especially when I'm so stoic, indifferent, sometimes complacent outside of the paper you now hold in your hands.

            Now, the big day of love will arrive shortly, in several day's time, and what will I do? I briefly close my eyes, and think. Last year, I didn't have this predicament - somehow you took care of it. Now, it's my turn to step up and solve this conundrum. You would think, just from these letters alone, I'd already have the solution. And I do, only it's cliché and I immediately dismiss the idea altogether. In the cliché, I discovered, you always found it dull and cheap (your words, not mine). So I always had to discover original ideas. Well, at least as original as I can be in this modern era ("Everything's been all done before! It's so depressing.").

            Would it be cliché if I made you breakfast in bed? If I stumbled with the morning sun, to prepare a delicious meal, and then juggle it back to our bedroom? Would it be cliché to see you wake up to the aromas of warm food, to see your green eyes caked in sleep, and your crimson lips crack a counterfeit smile? After all, you know that if it came down to it, this would happen. I am a guy first, and a lover second (unfortunately). And would it be cliché if I smiled subtly or even laughed as a morsel of food would spill from your generous lips? Perhaps so, and now that you know this, I know not to do this. I've got to "keep the magic alive", as they always say.

           And in the end, no matter what happens, if my cliché unfortunately becomes reality or if I somehow managed to conjure up a more unique experience, all that matters is that you're with me, by my side. After all, there will be a Valentine's Day a year from now, and there will be countless more to follow after that (unfortunately...).

                                                                                                XOXO,

                                                                                                 Your Lover

Dearly Beloved I - Hope

January 22, 2013

Dearly Beloved,

           New Year's celebrations have come and went - and what's left to do now are to commit to those spontaneous resolutions we tend to keep until the end of January. But still, what new and fresh adventures lie in store for us? Well, I have decided on what resolution I want to keep until the end of January: I want to become aware of what exists around me. I want to learn to absorb the meticulous details of life, like the way you do. I want to take a stand for a cause, like the way you do. I want to look at the bizzarre, the amazing, and the stupefying with long, pensive looks only to falsely exclaim, "This makes perfect sense!", like the way you do.

           I have always admired this in you, did you know? You were always like a surrealist painting, so full of life and intrigue with every stroke of the brush in your canvas of life. By comparison, I always felt more minimalistic, as if there's more to be done, and yet I'm complete as it is. Though I wasn't always aware of this, I don't mind this stark contrast; you always were the better half. But now, it's the new year and I have this inexorable desire to become acclimated with the artistic works of DaVinci, Escher, and Warhol; to recite the poetry of Allighieri, Mandelstam, and Frost; and to photograph life the way you do through your green lenses.

           And in the end, I want to share my newfound discoveries with you. I want to leave an indelible mark on your senses as this year goes by. I want to excite and sedate you; to give you heartbreak and unrequited love; to share the sights these eyes have seen, and take you places you never dreamed possible.

                                           With a love that promises new experiences,

                                                                                               Your Lover

Of Gas Stations and Phone Calls...

"Hello. This is Huntington Mobil - how can I help you?
"Hello? Is this Sebastian?"
"Yes - how can I help you?"
"Is Shaun working right now? Is he there?"
"I'm sorry, but today is his day off. He won't return until tomorrow afternoon. May I ask who is speaking?"
"It's Shirah. I just wanted to hear Shaun's voice one last time. I really miss him and I really miss all of you. You know, I didn't say this before, but seeing you, Shaun, and the others at the station was the best part of my day because I had a chance to see my friends. You know that I don't get out often, but when I did, I always made sure that I'd see you guys over there. Being out here in Colorado has been difficult for me - there is nobody that I can spend time with; nobody to talk to and no one to call a friend. It's been cold and lonely lately. I'm sorry for calling you right now: I'm just feeling a bit weak right now."
"No, it's all right with --"
"You know what was my favorite drink I'd buy when I saw you guys? It was Diet Pepsi. There is something different about the ones you'd sell - it's as if there is flavor in every drop. Or maybe because I was enamored with Shaun whenever I would drink one. I could really use a Diet Pepsi right now, but only from your store - it always did have the most flavor."
She tries to laugh, but it's released forcefully so it quickly dies. She moves on.
"You guys were the only true friends I've ever had and I want you to know that. I promise you: when I return to California in several years' time, I promise that the first thing I'll do is visit you and Shaun and the others at the station and buy a nice, refreshing Diet Pepsi. I love you guys very much. Please let Shaun know that I won't ever forget my love for him. Thank you for being my friend - I won't ever forget you and how nice you've been to me. So good-bye...for now..."

And with that, I hear a soft click, followed by the monotonous dial tone. Unfortunately, because I was in the middle of my work, I didn't feel the gravity of her words until I was able to have some down time to reflect. Since when was she capable of such words? This simple-minded soft and fleshy woman - fat, for those in a hurry - considered me a friend. Was saying hello whenever she visited called being a "friend"? Or treating her with the same indifferent courtesy I did with others called "being a friend"? Or what about - well, you get the idea. Perhaps, in the end, it's best to just play along, to give her this one morsel of human compassion. But I am torn for doing so. Whenever she left our store, we would joke on about her: the way she dresses, or her mother's clownish appearance with the ruby red lips and plastered makeup. Perhaps the biggest joke about her is the fact that she's middle-aged and still lives with her mother! How pathetic is that? I suppose, in fairness, is that she's a little sick in the head. How sick? I don't know. Ask Shaun or Henry, perhaps they know the answer. All I was told is that she's not "balanced" - to put it gently - and I believe them. That and she's easily impressionable. After all, it was love at first sight for her when she met Shaun (just don't bring that up if you decide to talk to Shaun). In short, she's been the butt of our jokes for quite some time now. She is, and I hope always will, be oblivious and naive of our crude entertainment. She must be for her to utter these sincere words over the phone, right? Then why the hell am I so torn about this? I have a suggestion, but brace yourself for you might not like what you're about to read: I have been less than kind to another human being. (NO!) Me? Less than kind? (Preposterous!) Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, but I've got to face the truth and own to my shortcomings. But here is the crux of the matter: do I make amends and seek out a more genuine attittude of  kindness to her? In doing so, I may just become her next "lover", without my say so. Or do I just maintain this status quo, do nothing, and pretend all's alright with the world?